I can feel myself getting ready to wallow

so I'm going to write instead.

The depression and anxiety that is brought on by vaginismus affects Josh, too.

We haven't really "talked" lately, so the other morning before I went to work, I cornered him in the kitchen. It turns out that my failure during the exam was very discouraging to him. Though he was extremely supportive of me while I was in the exam room and really every moment of every day since, he was saddened to actually be there and see that I have a real problem and it's not all "just in my head." I tried my best to encourage him, saying, "We are GOING to get through this." I wasn't lying. With my little "team" around me, I am much more confident that we will be able to have kids one day, to have a normal sex life.

The fact that my strongest ally has been proven to be only human is a little step back. I spent the day at work trying not to think about it. My therapist (hereafter known as Dana) told me to it's not especially good to avoid the anxiety altogether and to "make an appointment" to think about it. So instead of having ten five-minute stress-outs a day, I tell myself, "No, I'm supposed to think about that at 8:00." and I have one 30-minute stress-out. I'm still working on it. The deep breathing and relaxation exercise she's taught me is working well.



I've been listening this song quite a bit lately.

It's called "The Cure for Pain."